27.11.11

my mind's infinity

Sometimes i think i'm too damn honest for my own sake. Lost a job offer for it, can't play relationship games because of it...and then i cut my hair. Short. With all the time that i spend alone, i am now certain that the only reason not to leave this place are my parents. Only now, i'm starting to question wether that is a good enough reason or only an excuse. I've got a head full of doubts and incertainties just like everybody else. But am a bit tired of taking care of everybody. I guess i tend to "pic" people who aren't so sure of anything, and i tend to take care of all the problems and situations that come along with them. But sometimes i think that if i was gone from their lifes, that wouldn't be so bad. I guess i'm just a coward for not trying to leave, to find my life somewhere else. Even so, i'm so tired of fighting for everything that all the preparations that go around starting a new life in another country are like a heavy rock that i'm just to tired to carry...and so i cut my hair, and go around taking pictures of life, and go the movies (there is nothing like a movie room) and then come home and spend my time at candle light listening to music...allways trying not to miss you or wondering if it's truly for you that i miss or the idea of someone important for me. I don't even know if you like to be with me, or just like the possibility to be with someone rather than alone, physically and emotionally...I wonder what will happen to you when i'm no longer in your life...i wonder if you'll ever find peace, since happiness is almost an impossible dream for you. I hope so, at least peace. I wonder and i care, maybe not forever, but at least for now...
I would give you peace, if i could.
It seems that in the end caring for other is what i do best, or is it?

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